At first I was going to tell you about my day as I didn’t seem to have a formulated topic to write about BUT as I sit here on my wild Saturday night and watch a documentary on Netflix entitled “Babies” (a documentary picked by Kate, may I add, which I
know think is her way of “inadvertently” telling me that she wants babies – although she tells me on the reg that she wants babies like right now and, despite our valiant efforts in trying to make one, it just doesn’t seem to happen. Weird right?) But anyways as I sit here and watch this documentary it made me think of well, babies.
Inability to formulate a topic of discussion for blog solved!
So, I love babies. Babies love me. I love toddlers. Toddlers especially love me. Perhaps it is because we share the same core common interests: eating, pooping, napping, watching cartoons and playing. I love kids. Kids love me. I am indifferent to teenagers because well we can all agree that for the most part they suck.
Many people (everyone in my family and Kate’s) ask us if we want babies. Yes. Yes we do. They then proceed to ask us when we are going to have babies. Not so easy to answer. But let me tell you guys, if it was that easy for us to have babies we would already have had them. Like 10 of them. But it isn’t that easy. I don’t think I need to tell you the ways in which it is hard for two females to conceive a child together naturally, however, if you are confused as to why it is hard well then you should probably blame your parents and look on the all knowing internet for the answer because I am not about to tell you.
But back to Kate and I and babies. When I met Kate she said she wanted babies but didn’t care to pass on her genes. (I don’t think that was the first topic of conversation we ever had but hey you never know with lesbians. I mean we did move in together after like two weeks so…) I, on the other hand, have always wanted to and been adamant about passing on my genes. Kate has always felt strongly about being pregnant. She loves the idea of birthing and breast feeding and actually likes watching babies come out of other people. (Not like it’s a fetish but she has watched two births and thought it was the most beautiful thing ever.) I, on the other hand, watched a horrific video during high school in sex ed of a woman giving birth which I
think know scarred me for life. It was awful. I will spare you the details of the video but it made me think twice about giving birth. My mom also almost died giving birth to my brother as she lost too much blood so yeah it’s not a really beautiful thing for me. Now, if it happened naturally (me getting pregnant) that would be one thing, however, once again in this relationship that shit ain’t happening naturally. So we find ourselves in this current state. I want to pass on my genes and she wants to give birth. What’s a girl(s) to do?
Well luckily (kind of) for us there is In Vitro reciprocal fertilization. I essentially donate my eggs to Kate. I put my eggs into Kate’s body. My eggs in Kate mean Kate will be pregnant with my child. Problem solved?! For almost three years I have tried to get her to agree that this is the best case scenario. And it is in my opinion. We both get what we want. She is pregnant and I pass on my genes. AND we both get to be the child’s mothers. One is the birth mother (Kate) and one is the biological mother (me). The problem? That it is upwards of 30k, a sum that is hard to swallow (and fucking save).
So then we get people telling us (and even Kate saying) why don’t you just find sperm and get Kate pregnant. And then you can implant yourself with that same sperm and also get pregnant. Two babies by both mothers and the children are also related through sperm. (Think “The Kids Are Alright” movie.) And then I say LET’S BE PREGNANT TOGETHER… AT THE SAME TIME! (Kate says no so FINE! But misery loves company am I right?)
So then I start thinking what if Kate gets pregnant with random sperm and we decide we only want one child. Am I then going to regret not ever passing on my genes? I have also read stories about lesbian mothers having a child together where sperm is implanted into one mother and then the other mother doesn’t feel a connection with the child. I am so worried if we opt to find sperm and impregnate Kate with it I won’t feel connected. I know this seems absurd but it is a real feeling for me. I also don’t know if I ever care to be pregnant so the whole she has a baby then you have a baby might not be what I want.
So back to square one. We both want children. She wants to be pregnant. I want to pass on my genes. Finally, as in these past few months, we (she has finally agreed) have decided that we are going to go with me implanting my eggs in her and she giving birth to our baby eventually. Now again this option is going to cost a lot of money but in my opinion both of our innate needs of what we want will be met. This scares the shit out of me though still for two reasons:
- The money. How the hell are we going to come up with that much money (insert GoFundMe account for baby Page here).
- What if it doesn’t work and we are back to square zero.
The money is the biggest issue as we can save and save but 30k is a lot to save. It’s a lot of money period and that is the main reason it was so hard for Kate to get behind. Her thing was that it is so much money. We could put a down payment on a house or put it towards so many other things and we could just use sperm ($500) and get pregnant. But again I inherently want to pass on my genes and don’t know if she does get pregnant with random sperm if I will regret not AT LEAST trying to make it work in a way in which we both are getting what we want. If we fail after spending the time, money and effort then at least we tried? I don’t know.
It’s so much to think about and I’m sure a lot to read. Maybe now she’s regretting putting on this documentary???
I didn’t even get into adoption as I think that is a viable option in the future as well as so many babies need homes. But even that option (I want to adopt a child from a country where children are not allotted the same opportunities as here) is 20k plus. It’s just a lot to think about and a lot of money no matter what we decide to do.
In conclusion, yes everyone Kate and I want babies eventually but it’s not as easy as the birds and the bees here. If it was, we would have a bunch of little
minions children running around. So, for now, we have three animals.
I promise it will be lighter next time but here’s a picture of babies to get you through till then…